Internet culture, for all it's perks and great community, comes with its drawbacks. One major drawback: rude commenters and anonymous haters. Building a blog will inherently bring these people. If you blog it, they will come. And unfortunately, the larger your audience, the more random trolls you'll come across. If there's 1 troll among 100 readers, then by the time you have 1000 readers, that number of unkind comments will increase as well.
I honestly feel badly for people who choose to spend their time perpetuating negativity online. Realize that whoever left the comment is another human being too, even if it doesn't feel like it. They probably have some stuff going on in their lives that drives them to do and say the things that they do. They need love just like the rest of us (even if it feels impossible to love someone who would say those things to or about you).
Here are some ways to deal with the comments you get on your blog which are hurtful:
I honestly feel badly for people who choose to spend their time perpetuating negativity online. Realize that whoever left the comment is another human being too, even if it doesn't feel like it. They probably have some stuff going on in their lives that drives them to do and say the things that they do. They need love just like the rest of us (even if it feels impossible to love someone who would say those things to or about you).
Here are some ways to deal with the comments you get on your blog which are hurtful:
1. Determine if they're just crazy trolls who have nothing of value to say, or if they actually have a good point and maybe just said it in a really mean or rude way.
2. Figure out the healthiest way for you (YOU, not another blogger. Everyone is different in how they can handle/deal with these comments) to deal with mean comments. Maybe you have a policy where you just immediately delete them and don't acknowledge them at all. Maybe you moderate all your comments before they get published. Maybe you just leave them up and ignore them. Decide how you feel it's most healthy for you to deal with them.
3. It's YOUR blog. You don't have to allow mean comments if you don't want to. If people tell you that "you can't take the heat," just ignore them. It's a deeply personal decision. I personally decide on a case by case basis whether or not to delete a mean comment. If it's just totally ridiculous and pointless, or if it's attacking another commenter, or just plain offensive, I'll probably delete it. If they're (rudely) trying to point out something or start a discussion, I might reply. Sometimes people just miss-read or didn't understand what I was saying, and it's easy enough to correct their misunderstanding.
4. Don't internalize mean commenters' statements. Just because someone tells you something, that doesn't make it true. I've had people tell me I'm ugly, I'm boring, my photos are awful, I'm codependent now that I'm married, etc etc. But those things aren't true, and believing and internalizing them will only cripple my ability to be who I truly am.
5. RE: #4 – recognize that those people don't know you. They only know the blog version of you which isn't a complete picture of who you are. The opinions about you which matter are the opinions of those closest to you, which probably won't end up being your blog commenters. The opinions that matter most to me are those of my best friends, my family, my husband. If they were to make a criticism about me, I would take it seriously because they know me through and through. By and large, blog readers only get a very small snippet of your life and who you are and can therefore make criticisms based on very little information about your life. I'd much rather listen to critiques from people who know me intimately than from people who have never met me.
6. Think about the ratio of uplifting to rude comments. Chances are, your comments are probably 99% uplifting and positive and 1% rude, mean, and critical. If you look at it that way, the most likely scenario is that someone just doesn't "get" you, or they're just having a terrible day and have decided to take it out on you randomly. We focus so much on mean comments because they take us so much by surprise, but go back and look through all the beautiful, positive comments you get-- that's what matters.
7. Haters gonna hate. I don't get it either, but there are some people out there who just want to spread negativity. Their mean comments say more about their unhappiness and jealousy than they do about you and your blog.
8. Laugh it off. Honestly most of the rude or meanspirited comments I see make me chuckle because they're so off-the-rocker ridiculous and hilarious.
Something that you might have come across in blogging or in being a blog reader is online forums, totally separate from a blog, devoted to hating on and bashing that blog. Because those forums aren't on your site there's really no way to police it, and people can run rampant with their comments, opinions, and plain old hateful vitriol directed at you, your loved ones, and your blog. There's really not much you can do about these forums except decide how you're going to handle it.
My personal rule is that I will never not ever not in a million years go to any forum about me or my blog. There is nothing on any of those forums that would be useful for me to know. In fact, the only thing on those forums is a gateway to self doubt, depression, and anxiety. I want no part of any of those things. I want no part of knowing what half truths or unkind opinions people have directed towards me. I doesn't do me an ounce of good to read anything on those forums. If you're worried about libel or just want to keep tabs on what's being said without actually having to read it, hire a lawyer to occasionally read it, or have a trusted friend do it. I suggest not having a parent or significant other do it, though, because it'll be hurtful for them to read people saying those things about you too. My husband can't read those forums because he knows it will make him angry and sad and want to punch ever single one of the commenters. I don't even read the forums about other bloggers because reading the things people say about them reminds me of the things they say about me, and it makes me sad to read what people are saying about people I truly love, care for, and admire.
So decide for yourself what you're going to do if forums start discussing you and your blog. I have a 100%-never-go-there policy that I haven't broken in years. Figure out how you can handle it for yourself and stick to it.
